What If
by Aggie89
Summary: What if Carole had recognised Ange first. Starts where Fletch speaks to the press in A Simple Lie
1. Chapter 1

Carole switched on the Telly. She thought she might spot her Dazzle in the coverage they were doing on that poor girl Holly and her parents. She felt so sorry for them, Barry said she had a bleeding heart but she remembered what it was like losing a baby and she wouldn't wish it on anyone.

She tried not to think about it all; she had blocked it all from her memory and focused on her Dazzle. She was so proud of him and everything he'd achieved despite all the bother with Barry. Oh she wished they would just get along, it pained her that she didn't see her Dazzle because he was avoiding Barry.

She knew Barry was in the wrong that he was not the father that Dazzle needed. He'd never managed to get past that Dazzle wasn't theirs. Oh he tried but all he could see was the differences between them and instead of cherishing them like she had, he'd let them fuel his anger.

She'd tried to make it better, spoiling Darren when she could to make up for it. She'd made sure that Barry hadn't hurt Dazzle, but now that Dazzle had distanced himself so much she realised that not all hurt was physical. And it was too late.

She'd just have to settle for being in his life on his terms. She was so grateful that he had Lofty in his life to give him the love and acceptance he deserved. She knew he needed that, he'd never said anything but she could see he'd struggled to find his place. That he felt he didn't belong.

The news had come on the Telly and she perked up eager to see if her Dazzle came on screen, instead she saw the tall man in charge, Fletch and a woman she hadn't seen before. She kept it on in case she could spot him, listening to them speak. She picked up her cup of tea to sip, and almost spat it out when she heard Fletch say "Her name is Angel Godard."

Carole zoned out, how many woman are there called Angel? Surely it's just a coincidence. The young girl who'd handed Dazzle to her all those years ago, her name had been Angel. She'd never met another one. But surely not?

Surely that girl would still be in Scotland? They'd moved away after adopting Dazzle so that no one knew he hadn't been theirs. Barry couldn't stand the thought of the neighbours and his mates knowing.

No she shook her head; it was just a coincidence, these things happen. She wondered if this Angel was the Ange Dazzle had kept talking about last time they'd spoken. Oh no, she could feel something bad was going to happen.

She needed to know if it was the same Angel. How could she find out? It was 31 years ago and the teenager she'd met briefly would have changed so much she wasn't sure she would have recognised her. Maybe she should ask her?

No maybe not, they'd decided not to tell Dazzle about her after the first disastrous attempt. She'd settled for his bedtime story instead but he'd never really understood what she was trying to say.

But then what if she was? Dazzle's birthday was coming up soon, what if this Angel worked it out and told him? No she couldn't let that happen. She'd have to tell him herself if it was that girl. She was trying to remember if they'd ever been told the girls surname.

She didn't think so; they'd been very serious about privacy the agency. She only knew her first name because Angel had told her when she'd handed Dazzle over. Could she take the risk and just leave it?

Maybe she could find out from Dazzle how old she is? She'd known the girl was 13 when she had Dazzle. Yes she could do that and then if that matched well she would have to tell him. Barry wasn't going to be happy he's always preferred to pretend the adoption hadn't happened. And now Dazzle was grown he didn't even mention him. It made her sad.

She picked up her phone to call Dazzle.


	2. Chapter 2

Dazzle didn't pick up the phone, but that wasn't unusual he was likely at work she thought. She left a message, "Alright love, it's me Mum. I just wanted a quick chat. Nothing to worry about Dazzle just give me a ring when you can."

Carole hung up and sighed. She never knew when he might get back to her. In the meantime she had a lot to be getting on with, what with Barry getting home from work soon. She needed to make sure dinner was ready and the house was spotless.

She'd been pondering over a job she'd seen advertised at Darren's hospital this week. Barry was retiring soon and well she wasn't really sure about being home with him all the time. She'd just get in his way and annoy him with her fussing. She wondered if he'd let her apply, it would keep some extra money coming in so they wouldn't struggle on his pension.

Her phone started buzzing displaying Dazzle on the screen, "Dazzle, love that was quick!" Dom replied, "Yeah well I'm on a break so I don't have long." Carole thought quickly about the best way to ask. "Well love I saw the hospital on the telly and I was wondering if that was your Ange I saw on there? It's just she looked awfully familiar but I can't place her. You know me memory like a sieve."

Dom snorted, "I don't see how you could know her, she moved here from London and she's Scottish from Glasgow I think." Carole started to panic Glasgow was where they had adopted Darren. "Oh I see love no probably just got her mixed up with someone else, the girl I knew would be about 46 now and I thought she looked a bit young for that."

Dom paused, "Well I think she's early 40s but she'd never said and it's not something I'd ask. What's so special about this girl anyway?" Carole laughed it off but a cold feeling if dread was gripping her, "Oh nothing just you know me couldn't place her and it was going round in my head. Now most importantly I called to see what you wanted for your birthday. I know you don't like a fuss but me and your Dad would like to get you something."

"Dad, Yeah right. I'm not fussed about it really; maybe we can go out to dinner. Just us." Dom replied really hoping to not have to deal with Barry on his birthday. He'd already ruined enough of those thank you very much.

"Alright love, I'll see if I can book us somewhere nice eh?" Carole responded. "Speak soon, bye love," wanting go get off the phone as quickly as possible.

Oh god it was her, Darren was working with his birth mother and he didn't even know. What was she gonna do? She started to panic remembering last time they'd tried to tell Dazzle the truth.

He'd obviously been too young to really understand. He'd thought she was telling him that Barry wasn't his Dad, and well Barry had been furious. She'd tried to explain properly but Dazzle had started telling people that Barry had adopted him and they weren't really related. Dazzle had been thrilled with the idea and had started making plans for them to leave Barry and go and find his proper Dad.

So in the end she told him that it had been a story and that he'd misunderstood. Then she had used the Angel giving him to her and Barry story instead but he'd been so upset about getting the wrong idea before he'd not really wanted to hear what the story was trying to tell him. He'd been so disappointed and Barry well Barry wouldn't give him the time of day after that. Especially since Dazzle had put maggots in his sandwich box on one of their fishing trips not long after.

Honestly her boy he was so special, such a character and she loved him so much. She was worried what this news would do to him. She knew he'd be angry with her for lying. She was angry with herself for allowing Barry to push her into living a lie.

She also thought back to that little girl she'd met, she had been so young, when she had handed Dazzle to her and heartbroken and she'd had asked Carole to promise to make sure that Dazzle knew that she'd had no choice, that she loved him and wanted him.

Carole had almost wanted to take Angel home with her as well. She'd looked so lost and scared and her parents hadn't been there for her. Carole had heard the sobbing all along the hospital corridor as she carried Dazzle away.

Carole knew she'd failed that girl as much as she'd failed her Dazzle. And now, now she was here and Carole didn't know what to do. Didn't know how to tell Darren this.

It was best that Barry wasn't involved. Maybe she could go to Dazzles flat and cook him dinner and then tell him. She had a spare key and she knew if he was working now he'd likely be home around 8. Yes she would do that. She nodded to herself and started to rush to sort Barry out so he wouldn't miss her.

She managed to get dinner and the cleaning done just in time as Barry walked through the door. He sat down to eat and started talking about his day as usual. Once he'd finished she cleared the dishes. "Love I think I'm going to pop down and see Brenda down the street if you don't mind? You can go off to the pub if you like," she said.

Barry nodded; he would've been going to the pub anyway and if she was going to see that Brenda she wouldn't be home for hours. Bloody gossipy women. He headed back out the door. Carole grabbed all she needed and the extra dinner she'd set aside in Tupperware for her and Darren and went to head out. She knew Barry wouldn't be back before the pub closes so she had a few hours before he'd notice she'd taken the car.

She pulled up at Dazzles flat. She wasn't ready to do this, there'd been so many times over the years that she should've told him but she'd never had the courage and now she didn't feel like she had a choice. She was feeling sad though, she knew Dazzle wouldn't see her as his Mum after this. She knew most adoptees carried on considering their Adoptive family as theirs. But she'd been losing Dazzle ever since he'd left home and she knew this would be the final push.

She steeled herself and let herself in and popped the dinner in the oven to warm back up. She knew she had an hour or so until he'd be home so she started distracting herself with housework. Her Dazzle was tidy most of the time bless him but he'd obviously let things slip a bit with Lofty gone.

Just as she'd finished putting a load of washing out to dry, she heard the key turning in the lock. Darren came through the door and frowned at the lights being on and the smell if food in the air. Was Lofty home early? He walked through to the kitchen and stopped surprised. "Mum, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to talk to you love and I thought you might like a home cooked dinner, I'm sure you're missing Lofty's cooking," she explained nervously. Dom shook his head and went to put his stuff away. "I didn't give you the spare key to stop by whenever you want. Did you have you done my washing? Mum I'm not a teenager anymore." He said exasperatingly.

They sat down to eat; Carole couldn't remember the last time they'd done this. She normally only saw him when she was in hospital. They chatted about Lofty's trip and her day and once everything was finished and Dom had done the dishes they sat back down.

"You said you wanted to talk, I'm guessing not just about Lofty's holiday?" Dom started. He was a bit nervous but was hoping that maybe his Mum had finally come to her senses about staying with Barry although he knew not to get his hopes too high as he'd heard it all before and she was still there.

"Love, do you remember when you were small, I used to tell you a bedtime story about an Angel giving you to me?" She asked nervously. Dom nodded, "Yeah but that was years ago why would you need to talk about a fairy tale you made up."

Carole took a deep breath, "Love, it wasn't a fairy tale. It was my way of trying to tell you something and I know I messed it up but I didn't know how else to do it. You...you're adopted, the story was me trying to tell you that someone gave you to us."

Dom sat there shocked, "What, why would you use a story to tell me that? Why didn't you tell me properly? Are you sure you've not been drinking? Are you joking?" He got up and started pacing and running his hands through his hair. His thoughts racing.

"The story was what the social worker told us we should do, we'd tried it when you were even younger but well you got the wrong idea and your Dad didn't want to try again. But I did it anyway because I knew it was important but I was too scared to tell you properly when it didn't work. I'm sorry love."

Dom was still pacing, his mind running at a mile a minute. "Why wouldn't you want me to know? What changed, why are you telling me now? We're you ever going to tell me? " He thumped down on the sofa looking at her for answers, he was angry and upset and flabbergasted and he didn't know what to do.

"I was worried I'd lose you love, the first time we tried to tell you, I didn't do it right and you misunderstood and well after that you and your Dad never got along and I was worried I'd mess it up again and you'd never speak to me again!" Carole spoke her voice getting wobblier as she spoke.

"Wait that's why Dad doesn't bother with me isn't it? Why he wanted me gone? It's not just because I'm gay, it's because I'm not his as well?" Carole nodded slowly. Dom actually felt relieved in a way, while he'd adored Carole growing up, Barry had been scary and different and at least now he didn't have to feel guilty for disappointing him. It'd been a long time since he'd considered Barry his Dad but some of that guilt had lingered.

Carole knew she had to continue so she said, "There's more love, your birth mum, the one that gave you to me. She..." "She what, took one look at me and gave me away?" Dom interrupted. He really wasn't sure he wanted to know why he hadn't been loved when he was born. But the other part of him, the part that was always looking for somewhere to belong was curious.

Carole went and sat beside him and took his hands. It was so important he hear and understand this part, she owed it to the little girl who had given her so much all those years ago. "No love, it wasn't like that. She was very young just a child herself, she kept you for as long as she could but she struggled and her family wanted her to have you adopted, eventually after a while she realised she couldn't do it alone and back then there weren't any other options for her. I met her when she handed you to me and she loved you Dazzle. You could see it, and she asked me to tell you that she loved you, that she'd wanted to keep you but she couldn't find a way so this was her only choice."

"Oh," Dom really didn't know what to say to that. "How old was she.. Was I?" He asked softly. "You were 6 months when we brought you home; she was 14 so she must've been 13 when things happened." Carole replied.

Dom's head was swimming; he didn't know what to do with himself. In some ways finding this out felt right, he'd never fitted with Carole and Barry not really. But still, such a big shock and he wasn't sure he could take much more. He needed time to process; he could feel his anger at this all being kept from him bubbling away. He'd known Carole couldn't be trusted with secrets or promises but never ever suspected she'd be capable of keeping something like this from him.

Carole took a deep breath, "There's more love." "How could there possibly be more? You've just ripped my life to shreds! What more can you have to tell me? What else can there possibly be?" Dom almost shouted some of the anger leaking through now.

"The story...an Angel gave you to us...," she didn't finish she could see the realisation is his eyes. "That's why you were asking about her earlier! You think that Ange is my birth mother?" Dom slotted all the pieces into his head, Carole had been asking about Ange and her age, just after seeing her on TV. And to be fair there couldn't be that many Angels out there he supposed. He was stunned, just sat there frozen.

"I'm not sure, not completely love. It's just you said she's about the right age and well we adopted you in Glasgow. So bits of it fit you see. She did look a bit familiar but it's been 30 odd years mind." Carole started twittering on and he zoned her out, surely he would have known? Surely Ange must've known, if he was her son. His mind played back to his conversation with Lofty about feeling drawn to her and wanting to impress her.

God what a mess. He interrupted Carole, "Is there a way to find out? Without asking her?" "Possibly love, I brought your documents with me, the bits I have. You can ask for your original birth certificate and records. It should have her full name on and yours too. But you'll have to go to Scotland to look I think. The lady told us that after so many years it would all go to a special place where they keep all the records and then you can go in person to get them," responded Carole.

"That's just great so now I have to work with a colleague who I was hoping would become my boss soon without knowing until I can find time to go to Scotland. Fanbloodytastic!" Dom burst out.

Carole stayed silent there wasn't anything she could say. This was all her fault. If only she'd told Dazzle before he would probably have met his birth mother already. Would've likely run straight to her at 16 when Barry had chucked him out.

"How long do you reckon it'd take to get them?" He asked. "I dunno love, you'd be best to look it up I'd wager. Or there might be a number on these." She went out and grabbed the folder she'd brought with her. It'd been hidden in her wardrobe under everything for so long she'd almost forgotten to bring it.

Dom took it from her and opened it. Inside was his birth certificate with Carole and Barry on must be the original they got given as he had another copy. Then a leaflet from an adoption charity and some other bits of paper that looked official.

He looked back up at Carole, "Look I need some space, this is all yeah I just need some space. Are you...are you staying? I thought maybe you'd left him. You've never let yourself in before." explained Dom. "No love, just wanted to tell you in private and I well we don't see each other much do we and I didn't want it to ruin your birthday if I waited."

Dom had a sudden realisation, "Wait you've only told me because you think that she'll guess if she knows my birthday? If she hadn't shown up would you have ever told me?"

Carole started gathering her things, she could see he was about to blow and he'd need time to cool off. "I don't know love, I've thought about it a lot over the years but I've always been too scared. I knew you wouldn't think the same of me once I did and well I just kept wanting to be your old mum just for a little bit more. You've always been my little boy from the moment I saw you." She headed for the door before Dom could say anymore and headed to the car so she could hide her tears and fix her make up before going home.

Dom sat on the sofa with his folder and his life in shreds around him. What was he supposed to do now? His whole life had been a lie.


End file.
